You make me nervous because you don't try to control me

Has anyone ever told you this? Have you ever said this to anyone?

I suspect many of us eventually look for a meaningful relationship with that special person. We look for a true partner who will share our moments of joy and watch our backs in times of need. Our fear may be that this person may try to control us, to change us, to hurt us.

So we've dumped that last stupid person who had control issues, and have set out searching for a fresh partner who truly understands the need and value of a sharing, committed relationship. Certainly we are already prepared to share a meaningful and lasting life with someone. We just have to find the right person who feels the same way.

A girlfriend once told me that I made her nervous because I didn't try to control her. I responded by saying that I was not aware of anything I said or did, either directly or indirectly, that in any way tried to control her. She agreed with me and stated that was what made her so nervous.
I understood what she was saying. Her past relationships likely had prepared her to fight about attempts to change how she dressed, how she wore her hair and what food to cook (even if she didn't cook). I did none of those things and she was nervous. It was clear to her that, much like quick-sand, I was deviously sucking her into believing that she could relax her guard so I could control her.

I'd like to believe that her initial attraction to me was that I was 'different', hopefully better, from all those other guys. It seems that she carefully watched me for signs of being just another jerk. Despite her deliberate effort to expose my true, controlling nature she was unable to so she became nervous.

Wouldn't want to let down her guard and lose her individuality.

Do we really prefer being in an antagonistic, controlling relationship because we are more comfortable with keeping up our guard and distance? It's clear that if we maintain our distance, then we are less likely to be hurt.

But at what price?

Or, despite our quest to find a sharing relationship, we really don't believe that a healthy relationship is possible? Then why bother searching, becomes the question?

Do we waste our time wishing and looking for the impossible, only to reject it if it seems to be possible?

Do you really want a piece of this? Would love to hear your thoughts.