You make me nervous because you don't try to control me

Has anyone ever told you this? Have you ever said this to anyone?

I suspect many of us eventually look for a meaningful relationship with that special person. We look for a true partner who will share our moments of joy and watch our backs in times of need. Our fear may be that this person may try to control us, to change us, to hurt us.

So we've dumped that last stupid person who had control issues, and have set out searching for a fresh partner who truly understands the need and value of a sharing, committed relationship. Certainly we are already prepared to share a meaningful and lasting life with someone. We just have to find the right person who feels the same way.

A girlfriend once told me that I made her nervous because I didn't try to control her. I responded by saying that I was not aware of anything I said or did, either directly or indirectly, that in any way tried to control her. She agreed with me and stated that was what made her so nervous.

Do you have a 'private' name?

In our early life, especially in mixed company, we learn that certain things are best left unsaid in public. Not to be silenced, we often create phrases that are a substitute for what we actually mean to say but can't publicly state. 

For example, we rarely say we we are going to use the the toilet room. Instead, we substitute a word or phrase that makes the action seem more polite. We are going to the ladies room, or the powder room.

I think the same discretion holds true for talking about our intimate body parts. We are comfortable announcing that, after eating, our stomach feels stuffed but are not so quick to openly declare that we have a hungry 'private' part.

Maybe it's not your shoes that are on backwards, but your feet that are on backwards.

Recently I was at a family gathering and we were about to got out to have dinner. My 4 year old niece had just placed her shoes on and tied them up. Her mother said, 'your shoes are on backwards'.

I observed my niece looking in puzzlement at her shoes trying to figure out the mistake (I certainly recall my many moments at her age thinking how do I tell the difference about my shoes). I remarked to my niece that, 'perhaps her shoes are on correctly but it's her feet that are on backwards'. She was actually able to understand the question with a laugh.

As an adult, I find that people and events will still challenge me regarding what's on backwards. It is my shoes or my feet?

Are you a Masher?

Experts say there's always a reason behind human behavior. I find myself often clueless to determine any reasoning behind some of the things I observe. 

Eating can be a very personal experience and it's intriguing to observe the many styles we display. For those of us using forks and knives during our meal, some will cut their foods in small portions and eat each item separately. Others will stab at multiple food items prior to placing the all the items into their mouth at the same time. 

I've seen eaters make sure that they separate the food items into discrete territorial spots on their plates while others will aggressively mash their food multiple, multiple times prior to ingesting. Some diners will bend their head forward to meet the food half-way while others bring their forked food all the way up to their mouth.

I suspect that most of us never think (including me) about how we eat our meal and I wonder how much of ourselves are reflected by our eating? What eating styles have you seen that either makes total sense or total nonsense to you?

Do you really want a piece of this? Would love to hear your thoughts.

I think I might be a voyeur

Does your dance style reveal your sensuality?

At most social events, when the band starts playing and everybody gets up to dance, I sit down to watch. The music is good, the dancers are in rhythm and I am thoroughly enjoying the energy displayed.

Am I broken in?

During my BM (before marriage) days, a girlfriend and I were going through a potential-breakup moment. We probably both shared some blame but I don't recall who/what/why?

What I do remember, as we discussed reconciliation, was a comment she made regarding the value of staying together. She stated that she didn't want to deal with the aggravation of having to break someone else in.

If you Really Loved Me, then…

Do you ever find yourself in a love contest with your mate?

A girlfriend once asked me to do something for her. I don't recall what it was but I do remember saying that I really didn't want to, with a sense that the request would have been very inconvenient to me.

She then said, 'if you really loved me (her) then you'd do this for me (her). My immediate reply was, lets not get into a who-loves-who-the-most contest.

We Never Argue??

As a child, my parents seemed to always argue. I found it both confusing and fatiguing so I promised myself that I would never, ever argue. My first real girlfriend must have had the same experience because we promised that we would never, ever have any arguments with each other.

Well, several girlfriends and uncountable arguments later I finally came to realize that disagreements are a natural part of relationships. Different people, with different experiences and different expectations will likely have different opinions on how things ought to be.

If the involved parties are fortunate, understanding and growth will likely occur in the relationship making it better and stronger. I had become comfortable with this conclusion.

Until recently, when I heard a married woman of 20 years state that she and her husband never argue and have never had an arguments with each other. I was stunned.

Do you save the Best for Last

As a kid, my mother worked hard to provide for me and my two sisters. Everything was shared and nothing was to be wasted. It was a way of lief that was normal for us and we did well by it.

This lifestyle also included our meals. And this is where a problem occurred. Our basic meals included (in order of my priorities) meat, starch and vegetables. My sisters and I were perfectly OK with the meat and starch (rice or potatoes) but, the vegetables just had to go. 

Fortunately, we had a dog that we could share the vegetables with. The dog was always near the dinner table and thoroughly appreciated anything we provided.

Initially we would slowly work through the meat and potatoes part of dinner, expecting to find an opening to dump the vegetables off to the dog.

Are you looking to break up?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where the question is raised, 'are you looking to break up?' I admit that I may have a biased viewpoint, being a male and all, So perhaps the ladies can help me understand this issue from a different perspective.

I'm in a relationship of several months and we are having a conversation (disagreement might be too strong a word). Our opinions differed. She expressed her viewpoints and I expressed mine. 

This following scenario did occur in a few of my relationships.

Are you a boss or leader, or neither.

Someone recently asked me what's the difference between a boss and a leader. Of course, not being an expert I had a ready answer.

A boss creates conditions that people are expected to obey, while a leader shares a vision that people choose to follow.

Do you agree for disagree? Is one better than the other or is there a place for both?

Would rather be a boss or a leader, or neither? Do you really want a piece of this?

Let me know.

The carton of old milk

Dating, besides being fun, can also be a challenge. We look for a meaningful relationship but don't want to waste our time on trash. Some of us may want someone who is wealthy or extremely attractive. Others may hope that the date is clean, healthy, reasonably sane and willing to put decent effort into their life and a relationship. 

When I was in high school, a girl invited me over for dinner. I thought it was a very nice gesture and, being a guy, was never one to turn down food. I was looking forward to the chance to learn more about each other.

Spilt ketchup - darn it!

As a kid, I was always inclined to dump ketchup on any food item in front of me. The food could be hot dogs, french fries, hamburger and eggs, or more. If it was edible, it was meant to be drowned in ketchup.

We all know that the first thing one does, before pouring, with a ketchup bottle is to firmly shake it to make sure that all the ingredients are evenly distributed in the bottle before dumping it onto the food. One day at the dinner table I customarily shook the bottle and the ketchup flew out everywhere across the table.

Why do we really ask, 'are you okay?'

I just watched a TV program where a worker slipped off a tall ladder and hit the ground with a heavy thud just before he went unconscious. His co-workers ran up to him and saw that his limbs were at weird angles and blood was oozing from a head wound.

The first thing his co-workers did was to slap the fallen man's face and holler out, 'are you okay?' Were they asking because they were clueless of the moment or, because it's more convenient to believe that all was OK?

Do we tend to walk through moments of life totally clueless or, looking for reassurances that all is OK? Is there any difference between the two? 

Do we really want a piece of this?

Your thoughts?

They're Perfect…what's wrong with them?

Dating can be both thrilling and a challenge. Maybe we’re out just to have fun. Nothing wrong with that.

But, we may eventually want to find someone to share a life with and to start a family with. The question is, ‘who is going to be the lucky one?'

The search begins and, how often do we feel that we’re scrapping the bottom of the barrel for that ideal mate? How often do we worry that all the good ones are taken or married and, we’re stuck with nothing but leftovers and rejects?

My way of the Highway. Which way is best?

I had a girlfriend that once asked me, 'why wouldn't I do more of what she tells me to do?' I looked at her and said that if I did that, I'd be more like her and less like me. I felt very good about where I was in life then and did not see any compelling need or desire to live more her lifestyle.

Was she right for making her point or was I wrong for making mine. Did I really want a piece of this?

Your thoughts?

Why do some people prefer a fixer-upper in a relationship?

I watched a TV dating game show several years ago. A young woman interviewed 3 men on the other side of a curtain and was to decide which man would be her date. She indicated that she was tired of the hassles of dating and wanted to find the 'right one' to settle down with.

Best impressions for the worst reasons?

How often do we hear in a fresh relationship, ’(s)he is just perfect....everything I ever wanted’. The quest is to find that perfect mate so we finally can be completed, unlike that trash we dumped 2 days ago, or dumped us.

I have a female friend that readily admits that she does not like cooking. No surprise that she fell head-over-heels for a man who not only cooked fantastic meals but also enjoyed the cooking. Additionally, he was clean, had a good job and actually listened to her opinions.