I imagine that many of us keep a wish-list secretly squirreled away, always comparing and evaluating. Are we being sensible, hopeful or simply hopeless?
Years ago, I had a healthy platonic relationship with Sue. We shared a work environment and enjoyed good, honest conversation over a range of topics. One Monday Sue asked me if she could get my opinion on a personal matter.
She had gone out to dinner on a first date with Tom. She was attracted to Tom and felt Tom was also interested in her. During the course of the dinner, Tom gave Sue a three page, single-lined list of conditions that Sue would have to follow if she was to be his girlfriend. Sue gave the list to me to read and asked my opinion about the list and how it might affect her potential relationship with Tom.
I had never met Tom and Sue was a good friend. However, was this issue really any of my business and would any comments I provide come back to bite me.
Did I really want a piece of this? Your thoughts.
I made the decision to honestly answer my friend. I told Sue that it bothered me that Tom placed the entire burden of the relationship (if it could be called that) on her. Tom was allowed to be human but Sue had to be an (impossible) perfection. Tom was offering nothing in his list while Sue was expected to be everything.
ReplyDeleteI imagine many relationships portray various versions of this wish list. The art-form is to adjust that sliding scale to a mutually accommodating point.
I would stay out of this. What if Tom and Sue continue the relationship? Your comment may come back to bite you--and guess whose side Sue would be on! Tom could end up being the love of her lif. Stranger things have happened in the name of love!
ReplyDeleteAlways the risk and a point well made.
DeleteI chose to respond from a personal perspective. Do I ask my friends' advice to simply confirm what I want to hear, or to tell me what I need to know, to assist my sorting out the moment?
Do I respond by angrily telling my friend that they don't know what they're talking about (why did I ask them in the first place?), or thank them for providing an informative thought?
I see my friends as people who will watch my back, right or wrong. However, they don't make my decisions, I do.
Ultimately, I am fully responsible on how I choose to consider and use the requested information. I hope my friends, including Sue, think the same of me.
Your thoughts?