Why do some people prefer a fixer-upper in a relationship?

I watched a TV dating game show several years ago. A young woman interviewed 3 men on the other side of a curtain and was to decide which man would be her date. She indicated that she was tired of the hassles of dating and wanted to find the 'right one' to settle down with.



She was in her late 20's. Two of the men were in their early 30's and the third man was around 21 years old.

Of the two older men, one had worked his way up in the business world to an important position and, the other man owned his own successful business. Both men were nicely dressed, spoke well and had good manners.

The young 21 year old man hadn’t decided what he wanted to do with his life and still lived at home with his parents. His answers were vague and crude.

In my mind the young guy had no chance at all, but he was the one the woman chose. I had no doubt that she would pay for the entire date.

The crowd expressed their surprise and the TV moderator asked why she chose the youngest man for her date. Her reply was, ‘I can mold him.’

Was it realistic to think that she could actually mold her young date into her image of an ideal man? Or, was it more likely that she simply wanted a person she presumably could readily manipulate to meet her needs.

Would you want a piece of this? Your thoughts?

How this all began:

The passing of Sandy

First off, why am I starting this blog now? It was the week of October 28, 2012 and hurricane Sandy has blown through the east coast cutting off power and flooding many areas. I’m without a radio, TV, internet, lights or heat. I finally managed to charge my laptop but I don’t want to drain the battery mostly playing games.

I’ve got all this pent up energy to vent so I’ve decided finally to actually keep a promise to myself - to express observations that have always puzzled or amazed me. Maybe even find some solutions to the puzzles.

That being said, lets get back to the question, ‘do you want a piece of this?’ To many, this may seem to be a straight forward question, depending on your up-bringing. A simple yes or no response would probably suffice in most instances.

Me, I grew up in the type of neighborhood where this statement meant, ‘let’s get it on.’ You have either the clear choice of jumping back to defend yourself, or rushing in with fists swinging. Never a question of the options.

But, I’ve since migrated through higher education to eventually participate in a more cosmopolitan society. This same question might now be interpreted as a generous offer to be followed by either a polite, ‘no thank you’ or  palms stretched forward with an appreciative smile.

Although the question is addressed to you, it has been my personal challenge to work through the myriad of such mixed signals continually buffeting me. Now, perhaps you can begin to see where the confusion might set in, being influenced by both these worlds. Add to this my genetic code of always having a different drum beat pounding loudly in my head, oblivious to the various melodies surrounding me. It’s kind of like texting while walking.  I find myself, much too often, looking around surprised at the obvious mis-steps thinking, ’is it me or them that’s off beat?’

I often believe that I truly might actually  ‘want a piece of this’ but am continually watchful for the risk of simply being sucked in to something regretful. Do I move forward with a smile, jump back or walk away?

The one item I am very clear about is the value of humor as a tremendous aide in my coping process. It is a challenge for someone to laugh or scream at you if they are busy laughing with you, no guarantee of course. I have actually bumped into people where laughter escapes from them like an unexpected fart in a crowded elevator. They even manage to look surprised or embarrassed by the moment. Only adds to my confusion.

I assure you, by the way, this is going someplace. Just hang in there for this journey we’re taking together.

So, how do I cope. I’m always looking for outside cues to determine the proper flow of things. Much like waiting for someone else to laugh at that joke(?) before I heartily join in. Sometimes it might be easier to resist any temptation of being caught off guard by simply saying, ‘to hoot with the whole thing.’

In my continual quest for clarity and understanding of this puzzling world, I figure what better way than to share my story as a blog. Hopefully you guys will pitch in, where you feel the need, to share your thoughts, comments, questions and experiences. Together, we might determine which way the world is turning (or should be turning :-) and how we might make better use of it.

I strongly ask that your replies consider a few points:

1. your comments are not derogatory or inflammatory, we are here to communicate and not vent
2. they are honest, made-up stuff is a turn off
3. they are hopefully informative and/or constructive, we’ll receive more thoughtful replies this way
4. humor is a big plus if it helps get the message across better
5. feel free to suggest topics we can all learn from, a no-brainer

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